Neo Club Press Miami FL

Regreso del hijo pródigo

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  • Regreso del hijo pródigo También fui budista. Me puse zen-timental y lo dejé, para tener tiempo de poner chistes como estos en los lugares y que la gente dijera “qué cómico eres, qué cómico...
  • Nicolás Guillén, cuatro leyendas   El poeta cubano Nicolás Guillén era de apellido Batista por parte de madre. Doy mi palabra que es así y que yo no tengo la culpa. Se llamaba Nicolás...
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Regreso del hijo pródigo

Regreso del hijo pródigo
mayo 17
20:19 2017

También fui budista. Me puse zen-timental y lo dejé, para tener tiempo de poner chistes como estos en los lugares y que la gente dijera “qué cómico eres, qué cómico eres, qué cómico eres; ¡ay, me meo, por Buda!, detente, por favor, ¿ya tienes novia?”, y me invitara a un evento. El monasterio Tathagatagarbha Número Dos, en Cabaiguán, el que estaba cerca de la parada de La Purita, en el que te que te daban tres libras de arroz escogido si te sentabas ahí normal tranquilón un rato contra la pared, cerró tres meses más tarde porque los monjes no pudieron chivatearse entre ellos debido al voto de silencio. Cuando el oficial Roberto Cárdenas, que no había nacido en su apellido sino más al sur, en Jovellanos, les insinuó a gritos a los monjes que si no se chivateaban entre ellos no iba a haber más arroz, el que era jefe ahí respondió con sapiencia y dulzura a la Policía Montada del Cabaiguán:

–Cierta vez, un maestro zen palmoteó con todas sus fuerzas a su discípulo: “Así suena un aplauso con las dos manos”, le dijo. Pero, a continuación, le preguntó sin mirarlo: “¿Y cómo suena un aplauso con una sola mano?”

–¡Así! –gritó, fuera de control, Roberto Cárdenas, y le bajó tremendo galletón al Maestro Hideyoshi Fukunaga, que se iluminó ahí mismo y reveló que yo me escondía zen-timentalmente con Yanierlaine de Guzmán a media cuadra, en casa de su tía.

Me encontró en calzoncillos, viendo la edición nueva de Vampiros en La Habana que mezcla muchas escenas de Pulp Fiction, el Mago de Oz y The Wall y uno tiene que verla al revés porque tiene un mensaje oculto. Robertón el Malo me agarró como estaba, me dio unos trompones bien dados que casi me provocan Síndrome de Estocolmo, me subió al carro y me empujó, minutos después, dentro de la Iglesia de Cabaiguán en plena misa mientras gritaba:

-¡Respeta tu cultura, maricón!

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Sobre el autor

Alcides Herrera

Alcides Herrera

Alcides Herrera, fundador del proyecto musical Los Bloomers y con presencia frecuente en la televisión de Estados Unidos, nació en Sancti Spiritus (centro de Cuba) en 1974. Es trovador y escritor. Poemas suyos han aparecido en diversas publicaciones fuera y dentro de Cuba. Empleado en el Centro de vuelo espacial Goddard, es graduado de la Universidad de la Calle (promoción de 1995, Malacabeza, Español Bastardo, Amán). Actualmente reside en Miami.

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